My name is Cindy Snitily, and I am Noah’s mom. He lived an amazing life, and I am so lucky to have been cast as his lead supporting role. What’s even better, is that we all got to share a piece of his story, and we all get to help him carry the torch, and adding to his legacy #becauseofnoah

Life is like a bunch of blurry dots. Some are ugly to look at, and some are very pretty colors. It’s hard to make out what any of it means, until we back up, and realize that these are all perfectly planned to create a work of art. As I step back, and reflect on Noah’s life, I realize he was not taken too soon, but that the bits and pieces all add up to a complete masterpiece.

When I was pregnant with Noah, I experienced my first major storm. I was lost, and my life was a mess. I wasn’t sure if I could raise a baby- I couldn’t even take care of myself. I remember sitting in the car, broken, at rock bottom. The song “flood”, by Jars of Clay came on. The lyrics moved me – ..”and if I can’t swim after 40 days, and my mind is crushed by the crashing waves, lift me up so high, that I can not fall…” In the quiet of my heart I heard a promise “I did not do this to hurt you, I did this to save you.” I knew his name: Noah- and to me, it meant: Second chance.

Fast forward to Easter Sunday, 1998. The worst El Nino year, on California record, had just ended. My little Noah was born, but not without more pain than I could imagine. They called him a stargazer, because they could not get him to turn over. He was looking up. Later that morning, there was a little rainbow outside of my recovery room, a reminder of my beautiful promise. As endearing as that was, the nurse still left him with me, and left the room, telling me he needed a new diaper. Wait, what??? How COULD you? This must be some sort of hospital neglect, or something! You can’t leave me here, with this baby. I have no idea what I’m doing! “You’ll figure it out”, she said. It took me a long time, but I did. I made a ton of mistakes, but I figured it out.

As a little boy, Noah was tenacious, and charismatic. He was a lot for one person to handle, and it truly took a village to raise him. You see, there’s not just me, but a lot of grieving mothers, and fathers in here today. He captivated the hearts of many. He seemed to draw the best qualities out of each. Though he enraptured the hearts of many, he was always mine. He really did have a way of making each person feel as if they were the only one on Earth. I read to him often, his favorite story. “I love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.” I’ll never forget the day he decided forever would not be enough. With a very serious, and thoughtful look on his face he said, “I love you, mommy, til God stops counting.” Funny how these things come full circle; As long as I’M living, my baby he’ll be, while he’s up there, loving me until God stops counting.

I learned how to appreciate Noah as a big boy. He had to remind me of that, a LOT. Sorry kids, but it takes a long time for a mother’s eyes to catch up to the rest of the world. More recently, he began with “mom, I’m a man”. I truly started seeing this, and appreciating that he was- he was an awesome young man. He was always there for me, even if it meant he was missing out on something more fun. He had a routine that included work, family, friends, and of course- GRANDMA’s house every weekend, with church. Church was so important. As soon as he was old enough he served. He went above, and beyond, always doing his part. Often doing more than his part.

He was a compassionate. It wasn’t always that way, but he was open, and always took to heart, any advice we gave him. I never knew to what degree this meant. Not until now. I remember a few months back, he was talking about about a girl who was pregnant, and set up a go fund me, to get a car. I remember it hurt my heart, to hear her struggle, and I told him that was not the easy road. I know that road, and it was the one I carried him on. I never knew what came of that conversation. Not until I found out a few days ago, when the young mother reached out and told me. Noah had indeed donated to help her get a car. He was the only one, and he barely knew her. He told her he hoped it helped, and that he wished her well. It makes a momma bear’s heart proud when good things come full circle. Noah was there for anyone, any time. Most of you knew this side of him, which is why you’re here. Most of the time he followed his moral compass, and never did he rat any of you out- so nothing to worry about there. I did not, and will not go digging for those secrets. I did look through papers, to try and contact all of his friends. I found an interesting poem, standing by itself. I found it really encompassed the type of friend he was:
There once was an owl who lived in an oak.
The more that he saw, the less that he spoke
The less that he spoke, the more that he heard
Why can’t we be more like this wise old bird

Somewhere around Freshmen year, his paradigm shifted, to wanting to make everyone feel accepted. He often felt like he was on the outside, looking in. He showed me a video, he found, that was a young man who stood at the entry of his school each morning, and greeted people as they walked in. He noticed how one small gesture of kindness, could bring light to everybody. He wanted to make personal connections, no matter how small, with each person. He was very sincere, and intentional. It sometimes came off the wrong way, and he often felt discouraged. Still, we would talk about it, and he would try again the next day. He even used to bring his guitar to school, every day, since that was one way he could bring smiles to people, and everyone seemed to appreciate it. On these days, I got to see that signature smile, and my momma bear heart was overjoyed. He loved a song by New World Vision, called “There is a Way”. The lyrics would shape his heart, and define his mission. “There is a way, there is a spark, there is a hope that we can hold on to. There is a lifeline, come to the rescue, just like a hand that’s waiting for you. And if you believe in this, I promise that you wont be alone. There is a way. The truth and the life, and the way”

There seems like there will never be enough stories, or adventures for Noah. He had more plans, and dreams than someone could accomplish in 100 lifetimes. This is where you come in. Help me complete what Noah started. Leave the footprints that he will not be able to leave, on adventures for him. Remember to invest your time in others, especially those who seem hard to love; they need it most. Be a fierce, and unapologetic mama bear. When you are brought to your knees, because of a storm, listen for that quiet voice, and hear your promise. It’s there, but you can’t hear it unless you make it the most important thing. Make sure to look up, for rainbows, sunsets, and behold the beauty. If it get’s painful, and dark, be a star gazer. Tell his stories, and make some new ones #becauseofnoah.