We count by days for our pregnancies, and how old our infants are. Somewhere deep inside, your heart also keeps count when you lose a vital piece of it. Today it will be 3,000 days since you left this earth. It often makes me wonder how many more thousands I have before I see you. It seems like a significant number, doesn\u2019t it? 3000 days without my baby. A bit over 8 years has gone by. So much time, and yet I still can\u2019t delete your phone number. I still wake up sometimes and think you\u2019re still here. I still mistakenly call one of your brothers by your name. I still miss you desperately. You filled a spot in my life that can never be replaced. Parents of multiple children may be able to understand this. How each one fills a void you never knew you possessed. As sad as that seems, I welcome the feeling. Obviously I wish you were here, but I wouldn\u2019t want anyone else filling your shoes. I would rather the ache. These days grief sits with me like an old friend. Most of the time we coexist peacefully. I even love the beautiful ways she prods me to remember you. Most of the time, these days, they\u2019re accompanied by a fondness. But every once in awhile grief is ugly and harsh. It feels inhumane. Yet, even on those days we reconcile. I let her out, and feel the loss. I lament and cry. I visit your best memories and let it all in. And when we\u2019re done I have learned to fold her back up, nice and neat, and put her away for a time. I can not allow her to be in control all the time. Your brothers and sister need me to be whole, so I try not to allow grief to overstay her welcome.<\/p>\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We count by days for our pregnancies, and how old our infants are. Somewhere deep inside, your heart also keeps count when you lose a vital piece of it. Today it will be 3,000 days since you left this earth. It often makes me wonder how many more thousands I have before I see you. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[9,8,10],"class_list":["post-81","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-child-loss","tag-grief","tag-love"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.becauseofnoah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.becauseofnoah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.becauseofnoah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.becauseofnoah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.becauseofnoah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=81"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.becauseofnoah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":85,"href":"https:\/\/www.becauseofnoah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81\/revisions\/85"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.becauseofnoah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=81"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.becauseofnoah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=81"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.becauseofnoah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=81"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}